


marking you up

by aprica56



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Jealousy, Lirry ficathon, M/M, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 21:04:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aprica56/pseuds/aprica56
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The restless energy buzzing through Harry is equal parts distracting and irritating. He can't work out what is causing this thrum, the pulse that pushes him to be reckless, to seek something that is missing, to do things he knows he shouldn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	marking you up

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the lirry ficathon on livejournal. Originally posted to tumblr, it has been since cleaned up a little.  
> Originally was untitled, so thank you to the ficathon for the title!
> 
> prompt was: Harry gets a hold of the tattoo gun one day when the dude comes around to ink Zayn, (there's obvs precedent for this,) and Harry spends ages trying to convince Liam to let him tattoo him. After a lot of reluctance from Liam and Harry pouting and whining a lot and telling Liam it will be like a soulmate-friendship-bonding thing, Liam says he can do a small one on the back of his hip.

The restless energy buzzing through Harry is equal parts distracting and irritating. He can't work out what is causing this thrum, the pulse that pushes him to be reckless, to seek something that is missing, to do things he knows he shouldn't. It's been a week of Harry pushing limits, testing Paul's patience as he slips past security, of drinking more than he should the night before they're performing, of pushing past banter and friendly wrestling and entering into sharp remarks and hard hits. 

He feels like he has the whole world in front of him and there's something that he's supposed to be doing or seeing or taking, something meant just for him. He finds it hard to focus on anything other than the feeling. It’s all consuming. He's beginning to drift on stage, lost in the feeling, trying to figure out what it is he's looking for, and forgetting about the thousands of people in front of him and the four boys alongside him. It feels like his skin doesn't fit his body any longer, like something is waiting to burst out, like there's some magic phrase or action that will set everything right again.

Nothing seems to be working, the constant jittery feeling won't go away and Harry fears the boys are beginning to notice something is off, that this is more than Harry having a few loose-cannon days, as each boy is prone to do when the tour bus confinements, endless new cities and being away from home becomes too much. Louis is watching him carefully. Always silent, his eyes are just constantly assessing and Harry can feel the weight of them like a ton of bricks. Niall has taken to being louder and more affectionate, grabbing Harry on stage, smacking his bum, demanding cuddles on the bus, backstage, mid song, in the middle of meet and greets, showing Harry youtube clips and funny tweets, doing anything for his attention. Anything to try to get Harry to stay focused on the here and now, on being present in the moment, pulling him out of his head. Zayn is a constant, steady presence. Never saying anything but always there with a soft touch or understanding glance when it seems to be getting too much, always there to ground Harry. 

Liam seems oblivious to Harry, and oblivious to the other boys concern, but Liam always gets that way when Andy is around. He pulls back from the rest of the band and immerses himself in Andy. Harry gets it, the need to surround yourself with familiar things from home. Things that remind you of who you were before your life was turned upside down. To know that in the fast paced and rapidly evolving life they’ve fallen into some things will never change. He doesn't begrudge Liam for needing those things, but he wishes he didn't need to pull back from _him._ It's not that he doesn't like Andy, it would be impossible to dislike anyone who made Liam that happy. And it's not that it's Liam. Harry would feel just as unsettled if one of the other boys withdrew. They work together as a collective unit, like a formula only they know the solution to and when one of them isn't around it feels like the whole circle is caving in. Andy is only around for one more day, the circle will be complete again and this uneasiness will go away. It will. 

The concert after Andy left was electric. Everything goes perfectly. Every note is hit, the crowd is lapping it up, and the boys are all over each other. The crowd is phenomenal, and it feels like the restlessness and jitteriness inside of Harry has exploded outwards, seeping into everyone in the venue and transformed into an excited, hyped, amped energy. He looks across the stage and sees Liam grinning so wide his eyes have nearly disappeared and for a moment everything feels right, everything is settled. It lasts through their backstage movements, onto the tour bus where they have all landed in the lounge, settling in for beer and FIFA. And then Liam begs off a second rematch, pleading exhaustion and Harry feels his world distort again, the buzz starts up in his gut again and he wonders... 

He's not upset Liam went to bed. He's not. They all go through phases of exhaustion, and they don't have to do everything together. It's perfectly acceptable for Liam to go to sleep. It is. Harry has the rest of his boys surrounding him, Louis and Niall wrestling on the ground for the lucky controller while Zayn lazily rolls a spliff. He's fine. He is.

 

They're in a new place, another American city. They've all blurred together to Harry and the only way he tells them apart is via the different sporting merchandise given to them. He feels like somehow when Andy left he took a part of Liam with him. Liam never came fully back to the circle and a chip of Harry is missing. He tried to explain it to Louis in the darkest hour of the night as they were rolling along in the bus, rehashing old secrets because they don't have any new ones. Not any more, the band shares _everything_. He told Louis he was concerned about Liam, that maybe there was something they were missing, maybe something was wrong at home, because Liam wasn't the same. It was like Liam had reverted back to how he was during the X Factor. Always there, but slightly apart, always distant. Always had a smile for Harry but never followed up with anything else. Louis responds as softly as he can that he sees no change in Liam, that perhaps Harry is seeing a change that isn't there, or perhaps it's Harry that pulled himself away when Andy came and never got around to pushing himself back in. Which is ridiculous. Harry is Harry. Exactly the same. It's Liam that’s different.

They're being interviewed for a radio station backstage, and none of the boys are particularly focused on the questions. Harry can see Liam is trying his best to hold the group together so the station gets a half decent interview, but Louis' attention is seriously diverted by El, who flew in that morning and is sitting in the corner of the room with her phone out and a dirty smirk on her face. Niall has lost interest in being asked the same questions over and over again and has retreated into silence, resting his head on Zayn's shoulder. Zayn is busy planning out the tattoo he is about to get, the artist is due to arrive any minute now. And Harry is just trying to figure Liam out. Trying to find the piece that is missing, to get Liam to make his circle complete again.   
They are asked about bromances in the band, and Harry feels Louis stiffen next to him and glance at El. The interviewer picks up on the tense vibe and hastily tacks on an added question about who their best friend is in the band. No one seems to want to answer, and it falls to Liam. He explains that they are all extremely close, that no friendship wins over another one and for him personally, as much as he loves all the boys his best friend will always be his childhood best friend, Andy. 

Something in Harry snaps. How does Liam not get it? They should be his best friends. They should be everything Liam needs. Andy doesn't understand what their lives mean. He doesn't know how it feels to be standing in front of thousands of girls screaming their songs back to them, feeling on top of the world, only to be knocked back down by one nasty tweet, scathing article or ill-intended signs from fans. He doesn't know about the pressure to always to be on, to know that so many people expect so much from them. He doesn't understand Liam. Not like the band does. Not like Harry does.

Liam needs to be reminded that he _belongs_ with them, and eyeing Zayn getting his tattoo, Harry knows how to make sure he never forgets. He watches Liam, curled up on the couch, watching Zayn whilst absentmindedly stroking his own tattoo on his wrist. He sidles over, lays his fully body weight on Liam and moves his hand to cover Liam’s, tracing the letters. He whispers, asking if Liam remembers the feeling, the adrenaline rush, the knowledge that something was so important in that moment that it was going to be on his skin forever. He talks about the screws on his ankle that connects the four of them, jokes about holding Niall down to put one on him. He talks about how his tattoos are more about the memory of the moment he got them rather than the actual meaning behind the image. Liam is nodding along, a fond smile on his face. This is the moment to strike. 

He steers the conversation to reminiscing about when Zayn tattooed Harry. He talks softly about how sick it was to look at the tat and know that one of his best friends put there. It’s a memory that will last forever, and a symbol of trust they all hold within the band. He keeps going, casually mentioning how he never got the chance to tattoo anyone in return. He can feel the moment Liam realises where this is going. He startles, pushes Harry off of him and firmly shuts him down. This is not happening. No. Harry is not tattooing Liam, and that is that. 

Harry pouts, wheedles and whines. He turns puppy dog eyes on Liam, promising it will just be a small one, it’ll be over so quickly and he’ll be so, so careful. He promises. Liam stays firm. Liam laughs at the absurdity of it all, and tells Harry that as much as he loves him he doesn’t want to end up with a picture of a banana on his ass cheek, thank you very much. The buzzing in Harry is getting louder and more violent. Liam doesn’t get it. He never does. Harry needs this. Needs to mark Liam. To make their bond permanent. So Liam can never forget, not even when he’s off with Andy. 

He straddles Liam and pins him to the floor, Liam puts up a token effort pretending to struggle, and Harry knows if he really wanted to be free he would be. He pouts at Liam with wide green eyes and talks about how he’s missed Liam, how it feels like they haven’t done anything together for ages, how he feels like Liam doesn’t want to spend time with him anymore, if he lets him do it it’d be like _their_ thing, a super friendshipsoulmate bond, and _please leeeyum,_ it’ll be really small. He can feel his eyes watering and begins to give up, feels ridiculous that he has let it build up this much. He rolls off Liam with a huff, lying with his eyes scrunched shut and willing the buzzing and the shame in his gut to die down. Over the pounding in his ears he hears a soft ‘okay’ from next to him, and turns to see Liam frowning down at him. ‘Yes, fine, okay Haz you can do it. Jesus. But it has to be something small, and nothing stupid.’

Liam is sitting where Zayn had been, strips off his shirt and tells Harry he can do it on the back of his hip so if he messes it up Liam doesn’t have to see it every day. The tattoo artist hands the gun to Harry, gives him a brief tutorial of what to do and leaves them to it. Harry tries to calm himself, his hands are shaking and he can’t mess this up. _He can’t._ They had agreed on a small batman logo after Harry proved he could draw it. 3 cm, and that was it, but it would be 3cm of Liam’s skin that would be exclusively Harry’s. He draws his hand closer to Liam, and see’s the expanse of bare skin in front of him, a blank canvas that Harry gets to make a mark on. His head gets kind of foggy as he begins to trace the outline on Liam’s skin. He can feel the gun vibrating slightly, and slips into a trance like state. All the buzzing, the thrumming, the weird energy completely stills and all he can feel is the tattoo gun, connecting him to Liam, making this thing between them a permanent thing. He pulls the gun away from Liam and feels something snap back into place inside him. Everything feels so right, his circle is complete, and he feels so full of contentedness. He lets out a little sigh of happiness, the fog dims down and he hears Liam ask how it looks. He gazes down at Liam’s hip and freezes. _Fuck. Oh fuck._ There it is, in unforgiving black ink, a large block H, and it’s going to be there forever.


End file.
